I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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