Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
