is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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