yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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