:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
