he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
