dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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