i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
