i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
