five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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