We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
