his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
