At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
