her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
