i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
