An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
