Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize