The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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