I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
