so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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