thus making me awesome and them whores
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
