i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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