i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
