Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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