The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
