We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
