he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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