i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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