Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
