im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
