The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
