We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
