I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He felt like a one man threesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
is that a dick in a sweater?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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