I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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