there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
