so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
