Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
