you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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