if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can I color on your dick again?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
