I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
