Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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