I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize