Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
