she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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