First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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