I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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