he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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