so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
