Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
