Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
