i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
