he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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