lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
