She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize