It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im part way to drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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