i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize