i was born a porn star she said
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
