dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.