i already hear my dad disowning me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM