Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.