thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.