I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.