yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart