but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
