i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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