Nicole vs. Life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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